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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26307856">A moment of dread</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/'>Anonymous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Warrior Nun (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>A small mind ramble from a single moment in the show, Angst, F/F, Internalized Homophobia, No Beta, beatrice is repressed, not well written but hey i tried, thoughts, will probably leave you confused and slightly sad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 10:14:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>475</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26307856</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Like most stories that end in destruction, it began with good intentions.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sister Beatrice/Ava Silva</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Anonymous</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A moment of dread</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Fair warning I have never written before so this may not be the best</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Like most stories that end in destruction, it began with good intentions.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ava had grown a lot as she stayed in Cat’s Cradle, Beatrice knows that she admired that, but she also admired Ava's spark for life. Her desire to live unchained and her will to defy anything standing in the way of that. Beatrice knew, as most of the order did, that this is not the life Ava wanted, Ava wanted to live her new reality not waste the spark the halo gave her, not snuffed scarred and killed like so many of her sisters had.</p>
<p>Beatrice can still smell the smoke-metal-blood when she sees divinium flash to life, feels the weight and dying heat of Sister Shannon's body on her side as they dragged her wilting, into the chapel.<br/>
She can see it all in the Halo, in the sword, in Sister Shannon, in Ava.</p>
<p>So, she comforted the girl who was struck to life in irony, brought to life through death, living to die, dying slowly as she grows, a true warrior nun. But what she could have known was that even after all the water Beatrice doused them in, the embers of everything Beatrice tried to hide were still smouldering within her.</p>
<p>Lord help her, when Ava smiled, the tide fell with her masks of indifference and coldness, and heart caught aflame. The tide rushes back in, but it was too late, her soul was ashes and Ava her urn.</p>
<p>And so, she fears, desperately, like a child helplessly trying to keep the ocean at bay from destroying their sandcastles, Beatrice blocks the flow of emotions that surge every time she looks into Ava's eyes. She drowns in layers of dread, thinking that maybe, Ava will leave again, Beatrice could not stop Ava any more than she could stop her from taking her own chained broken heart with her. Not any more than she could not stop the pit that grows every time she hopes that Ava might stay. </p>
<p>Ava complains, quips, trains, learns, but she never leaves- she smiles and suddenly Beatrice struggles breathe, she’s treading water in her thoughts, and Ava lifts her hands to her face, cupping her cheek,<br/>
"Only thanks to you."<br/>
She smiles and hopes her momentary joy washes away the proof her aching.</p>
<p>Later Ava looks Beatrice in the eye, telling her that one day she will be the last halo-bearer. No Halo, no Ava.<br/>
In her nightmares Beatrice sees the brand of a halo-bearer scorched into a deathly pale back.<br/>
Beatrice only nods, and despite her lack of words, she thinks Ava knows-<br/>
That there might not be anything left of Beatrice after her</p>
<p>Being around Ava is a whirlpool of doubts and damnation, but Beatrice will ever pull away, like a moth to a beautiful flame. It’s the only thing she's living for.</p>
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